Race 2: D33

The first ultra of the year, 33 miles, long and straight, a flatulent runner's dream!

Here goes again:

Slip out of work early on the Friday to travel to Aberdeen before nigthfall
Devour pre-race meal en-route, whopper meal and a extra large serving of percy pigs
Arrive in Aberdeen
Walk to hotel avoiding all eye contact with the fearsome marauding tcheuchters
Check in, consume more calorific delights, lie down, sleep

D33 day
Open eyes, awake
Consume a hearty breakfast of 4 x vac-packed pain-au-chocolats
Wash
Tape nipples

Vaseline the danger zone

Exit room

Walk to the start

And so it began...

I feel fresh

I feel hip

I'm halfway
Slash by the river and off again
Awkward feeling erupts in the danger zone
Seek refuge in a disused and fragrant toilet block, back in business
Keep running
Finish...4hr57mins

Race 1: Meadows Marathon

The season's debut, 14 laps, keep count, keep yer heid and most importantly keep your dignity!

Here goes:

Arrive crazy early,

Pensively enter race,

Engage first stomach rumble with a swift visit to the facilities

De-robe

Tape nipples

Vaseline willy wonka and the chocolate factory

Pin number and pause to collect thoughts

Jaunt to the start line, ignore everyone and smile nervously

And so it began...

I feel good,

I feel ok,

I feel magnificent,

I feel flatulently vulnerable in close proximity to others

I feel bad

I have no feelings...

x 14 laps

One stolen toffee, many fearful stomach movements and 3 hours 24 minutes later and it was nailed.

Dignity in tact, job done.